Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Weather

I hate this weather. It's cold and rain and snowy and sleety (if that's a word). It's nasty. I don't know a single person who enjoys this weather. I'm looking forward to warm weather again. It sucks, I don't want to wish time away but seriously enough with winter.

You know how bad it must be if I'm writing about the weather. I usually tend to hold off until I have something meaningful to write about but it was like today was just awful. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to go to work. I would have been content just hanging on the couch. From the moment the snow turned from snow to rain the day just seemed to go downhill. So many things have been falling into place lately and I just have to strange sense of ying and yang and balance because it seems for everything that seems to fall into place something else somewhere falls apart or gets knocked around.

I guess what I'm looking for is some consistency and some sun. I watch Lost and I see how crazy things are with the time warps and whatever is going on (if you've figured it out, please let me know). And sometimes I wish I could go back in time. Not that I would change anything, but to go back and enjoy something that I took for granted. Maybe be more aware of my surroundings. We are really lucky to be able to look back learn from the past and reminisce about things that you did.

I used to be a yes man. I would say yes to anything, I used to be the good cop, I feel like I used to be fun and I'm not anymore. I'm constantly saying no, or constantly have to be the bad cop and the hard ass and I hate it. I prefer the go with the flow, kick back and relax, take things as they come attitude. Lately I'm so tense and annoyed and short. It's not fun to be the responsible one. I can't possibly go to the gym anymore. Maybe I need yoga or something. Maybe I just need to have a social life. I've been going back to Conor's the past couple weeks and it's awesome. I thought I'd be the creep old guy back at the college bar, but the great thing about NU is that I'm definitely not the oldest guy, and the best thing about Conor's is I'm definitely not the creepiest. I guess I want to go back to being fun me. I don't feel like I'm fun anymore and that sucks.

This past weekend I will say I did go to a Chinese New Years party and had a really great time. I laughed harder than I've laughed in a really long time. It was at Sarah's house and she has an 8x11 photo of Liz and I at a prom on her night stand. Well I don't think it's prominent enough in her room, so I took down the cross over her bed and put up our picture. Before I left, I made sure to point it out and we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. But then I missed the last train in the city, so there is that balance thing again.

I think while coop was awesome and I had a great experience it kind of messes with your head. Or at least mine. I had this idea that you work your ass off to prove yourself for 6 months, you make some great connections and great friends and then you go back to class. I think it's finally sinking in that there is no going back to class. This is it. I'm in the real world. I've never really done well staying in one place for an extended amount of time and it's getting that time and I'm getting the itch, but now I don't have that freedom I had in school. I have responsibilities and obligations and people that rely on me. Sometimes that really sucks

Also I need boots, because my feet are wet and have been since I got to work. Today sucked.


(Sorry I used suck so many times Mom. Sometimes it's just necessary.)

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